Please...just a little relief.

I'm writing this after we brought a precious little ball of fluff that we named Miss Minnie Mae, Duchess of Mork, in a whirlwind of three days. She's a mama's girl, and we're both pretty sure she's a full blooded Maine Coon that somebody bought in to the Contra Costa SPCA because she's not "Show" worthy. She is my saving grace in aiding me to grieve for Basil, who's name I can't even type without starting to cry. It's been one year from Oct. 7th since he passed and I know I'll never get over it, but somehow will get through it.



Minnie Mae is the joy in my life right now and my body doesn't care. From joy to sorrow, every emotion I have manifests itself into a physical symptom. I'm coming off a 24 hour migraine, and I already feel the haunting of another one coming. I'll do the usual scramble of medicines to hold it a bay for at most, a week...but there's no escaping it. I've broken two fevers in as many days, one reaching 102.7. My body is a total wreck, I can't get hydrated, I have vertigo so bad that standing is a whole mission. I now have greying/blacking out episodes that left me on my bedroom floor for 40 minutes when Todd was at work. I couldn't reach the phones, and every time I tried to stand, I just couldn't. I finally scooched my way over to the kitty stairs at the end of our bed, and slowly, step by step, got myself up. I threw up last night (of course, what's a migraine without vomiting) and instead of blackish brown, it was totally clear. Yay!!! No blood in my vomit!!! This is progress. Progress. Me NOT throwing up blood...is progress.



Before we got MinnieMae at the Concord PetCo, we decided to get out of the car and buy some new toys for her. Eating for me is very hard right now, so between the lack of nutrition, loss of electrolytes, and dehydration, I have a hard time walking in a straight line. Todd was watching me like a hawk and at one point when I started to grey-out, he grabbed me by both arms and ordered me to "look at me, Una! Are you there? Una, Look at me!" I guess I finally locked into his eyes and then proceeded to break out into a cold sweat. Todd walked me back to the car and came back with the brand new kitty loot. When Amy from C.C. SPCA got there, Todd helped me in and thank the Universe, there were chairs. I got the usual once over by everybody there. Let me explain the "Once Over". It consists of people I know that haven't seen me in a while or total strangers who do a sort of double take. If you haven't seen me in a while, I think I would shock you. I don't really feel like getting into my "looks" right now because my self esteem is so raw, but in another post, I'll fill you in.



We got Miss MinnieMae and not a peep from her the whole car ride home. Somehow, like always, I made it up the pathway and flight of stairs to our condo (stairs can kiss my giant ass!)ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc<---Miss MinnieMae typed all those "c's" and just flopped down on me. She's been playing with Wally so it's time for kitten coma sleep.



I'll sign off for now, but the whole point of this entry was me needing just one day of no pain, symptoms, or side effects...just one day...one.



As always, I'll bulldog my way through this illness that can't be named minute by minute if need be.



Till next time,

Moi

This is...

I'm not uber inspired right now to wax on poetically and beautifully about a moment, a thought, a website, an occasion, but it's been a while and I want to blow some cobwebs out of this dusty brain of mine before I open this blog up to those that I want to update more regularly about my health, my struggle with the progress, my bitching of bad days, my heartache of sad days, my sarcasm directed at lots of things or people, my laughter at the funny, my awe of this wondrous Universe, and my odd little rants, ramblings, and rumblings.

This is hard for me. My plan is to send out an email which I will formally name an "Una Unabridged", and the people I like, love, care about, cherish, and adore can click on my hyperlink, and read what I wrote that day, or just favorite me to catch up on me when they have a moment to really sit down and take it in.

Writing is a very personal thing for me. When I'm inspired to write, I'm totally open with whatever emotion pushed me to open my laptop and share who I am with people. This isn't the fairly upbeat and funny me that my loved ones see in a social setting...no. This is me, stripped down. This is me happy. This me livid. This is me depressed. This is me surprised. This is me hurt. This is me healing. This is me raw. This is me.

I may shock some people with what I have to say and I have to hope that they'll still care about me. I'm terrified of rejection, judgement, and disappointment, but I will write my truth regardless. I cannot lie nor can I pull a Pollyanna "I'm Great! How are you?" anymore.

My battle with an illness that cannot be diagnosed has me in pain every time I wake up till I go to sleep. I'm fragile, I'm brittle, I'm drugged, I'm confused, I'm so angry, I'm defeated, I'm a warrior, I'm scared, and I'm trying. My will is defeated by my body every day that I open my eyes, and yet, I still open them.

This is my leap of faith.

5 minutes for Many Moments

I haven't been blogging because I'm just so overwhelmed with life right now. I'm overwhelmed that I'm so sick and nobody can tell me why, I'm overwhelmed that there is a mass of some sort behind the upper lid of my right eye...my good eye...I'm partially blind in my left, so I guess that notes the severity of my worry. I'm overwhelmed that certain people in my life are not pulling through for me, while others are, but I'm too overwhelmed to let them in. I'm overwhelmed that this is my life now. Growing with my husband with heart aching love, my guilt for making his life overwhelming, Sims3, TV, Planning our 20th Wedding we never had, medicating, crying, panicking, sleeping for 18 hours at a time, not making any money, not doing the one thing in life I was born to do because my will can be stronger than iron but my body betrays me...every time, gaining weight even though I'm eating less than 1100 calories a day, being told "It's the Meds", not being able to come off the meds, trying to keep my humor, trying to continue to reach out to those I love no matter how many times my hand gets batted away, letting people see me weak, fragile, brittle, breakable, frail, and worst of all...human.
I saw this video while looking at a professional photographer's blog. I took 5 minutes to let it sink in to me and I became overwhelmed with emotion over all the moments in life that we lose, overlook, and let us pass by. I've always found photography to be this amazing medium because one half second push of a button, captures a moment...forever. It's such a powerful and mesmerizing message. Do the same thing I did. Let it just sink in to you and let your mind wander over those moments that were never captured, even if you didn't want them to be. All those missed moments make us who we are, and we can only be thankful and grateful to those that pick up that piece of equipment and capture them.

A "Zit" I can't leave alone

This is so "me" that I couldn't resist putting it up. I mean, far be it for me to toot my own horn, but toot, toot, baby! This is my voice and delicate demeanor at it's best. Keep your fingers crossed that I get signed for another 30 or so recording sessions, and please, hit the 5 star rating even if you hate it. That simple little "pay it forward" gesture makes sure I get the money I need to help take some of the burden off my incredibly hard working husband's mind, and who knows, that may make him not pull you over for a traffic violation...we're all in this together!

http://www.lvrj.com/comicskingdom/?view_id=3&feature_id=Zits_Video&feature_date=2009-06-15

For the life of me I can't figure out how to hyperlink this particular page...I'm so sorry. I'm hoping good ol' old school copying and pasting will do. Thanks!

Cheers,
Una
Unabridged

Classical Music meets Cat who can Blue's it

This made the hubby and I very happy, and I have to say that we thought that it was beautifully done. Whimsical, soothing, very cool, unique, charming, artful, and utterly precious. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

With love and fishes and without further adieu,

Una, Unabridged

What do you mean, "Slower?!?!

So, I had my 3rd Dr.'s appointment yesterday with Dr. Drunk Raisin at California Pacific Medical Center's Health and Healing Center (his last name is Draisen but I always think of little drunk raisins...whatever those would look like) and the hammer came down again. My body is so completely enter twined with my emotions, that ANY sort of procedure that causes me stress, will send my adrenal system into hyper drive, causing me to one, two, or all three of the following things...1. Have a total emotional meltdown. 2. Have a "flare up" of break through pain with fever. 3. A migraine of epic proportions, and throwing up within the first 30 seconds of waking up. Sometimes chills, Renaud's flare ups, sweating, hyperventilating...blah, blah, blah. So now, we're slowing down my healing even more. Try to convince me more that I don't have Lupus...but everything else has to be ruled out, and they cant even get to the ruling out part yet. Yeah, that's how sick I am.

That dull consistent thud you might be hearing is my head hitting my laptop. I am so frustrated because I want MY LIFE. My life how it's supposed to be. My life with a diagnosis and a way to treat it.

Here is the good part, though. Now, stay with me on this one 'cause it's going to get a little "touchy feely", literally.

Since I can remember, my mother never showed physical affection for me. She would hug only when I hugged first, and it would be the dead fish sort of hug that you expect from a woman who blames her only child for totally destroying her life. I, however, am a very touchy feely person, although less so now because it can hurt when someone rubs my skin or hugs too hard.

Now, my sweetie knows exactly how to rub my back when I go into meltdown or flare up mode. My dear, dear, dear friend's Jessica, Aileen, and Angie (My F.A.N.G.s Girls) somehow instinctively know how much pressure to use, where to put it, and how long I need it. That 4 (hopefully 5 with the Healing touch and massage woman) people in my life know this is nothing short of a small miracle for me. The right touch soothes me, calms me, allows me to breathe, allows me to let go, allows me to sleep. Last night being a perfect example of me going into meltdown mode, my sweetie knew to rub my back until I stopped rocking back and forth and started to breathe.

Dr. D.R. gave me a new supplement and recommended a woman that he trusts implicitly with my care. She specializes in Healing Touch and Massage. The way Dr. D.R. explained it to me: Like a still pond of water, the surface tension is static and unyielding, until some ass throws a rock in it and destroys the stillness...well...the pond is me, and the emotions and "crud" from the outside...well...that's the ass with the rock.

My sweetie has learned how to relieve a lot of pain in my calfs, ankles, and feet by massaging in long, smooth, even strokes, and focusing gentle pressure to points that needed it (I have no clue how he found them but he did say he could feel them and he couldn't explain how) and it actually felt good. This woman is going to take care of me and in 4 weeks, I check back in with Dr. D.R. to see if it's time yet, to move forward with the tangled mess that is my mind, body, and spirit.

This, of course, is in conjunction with my guided imagery guru with the soft pink fluffy energy and therapist, Leslie.

I know my mother issues are playing a huge role in this. I never got the physical love that I needed from her, and I'm not exaggerating when I say never. My sweetie knows all about it. If my life was in shambles, her response would be "So, I guess we're not having dinner tonight? *SIGH* Fine." or "Oh, you were in the hospital last night, well, we had to do everything ourselves." Some women were never meant to be mothers, mine is one of those. It's been 5 years now since I have spoken to her and that's a wonderful thing because it allows me to heal from the abuse both physical and emotional that I've endured.

A wedding like nobody is watching

I found this on one of my very favorite websights http://offbeatbride.com/ and while it's not something I nor my shweety would have the guts to do, I LOVE it. It's a true expression of freedom, love, fun, appreciation, and there is no doubt that this couple adore, love, honor, and cherish each other with all their hearts. May they have many nights, snuggled in bed, holding hands, and laughing about their lives of adventures, family, and love.

Cheers,
Una

Myshell & Hannibal's wedding

Zits Motion Comics

Zits Motion Comics

This should make it easier! Enjoy and feel free to hit the 5 star, please. The more you like it, the more I work.

Cheers,
Una

A day in the life 7.2

Ohhhh...I am cranky! On the 1-10 pain scale with 1o being "Getting out of bed isn't even an option today" and 1 being "Dressing in a little pinafore and singing The Hills Are Alive..."



I'm right about 7.2 today. My body is screamin' at me to get the hell off the laptop and eat and then rest whilst I immerse myself in an America's Next Top Model marathon. The reason I'm NOT resting, eating, and melting my brain with bad reality TV? Well....I am part of something really special, so mentally, I'm yodeling'!!!



New Media has become my new best friend. Because of a well loved and very funny comic strip that these brilliant men created with their hands and stories that brought relatability to all ages,
then there is the brilliant husband and wife that took it to a new level, the actors (this is where I come in) that brought the words to life, and the brilliant sound engineer that worked his magic, we made a comic strip come to life, and gave Jeremy and his friends and family in "Zits" a voice and movement.

I am so proud to be a part of it! Oh, by the way, I'm the voice of Jeremy's mother, Connie

http://www.comicskingdom.com/index.php/zits-motion-comics Click here to:
"See All About It: Everyday Woman Lands the Job of Her Dreams!!!"

A new one every Monday!

Putting my toes in the water

The first little piggy was a chat roomer.

The second little piggy was a Forum poster.

The third little piggy was a MySpacer.

The fourth little piggy was a FaceBooker.

The last little piggy? Went wee, wee, wee, all the way to Blogger-Ville!

While I'm not exactly new to Blogging, (I did a handful on MySpace and found it to be quite cathartic) I was hesitant to start what I consider to be real blogging because I wasn't quite sure where I fit in. Every time I got directed to a Blogger page, I was pretty impressed with the professional look of it. My hesitancy grew more when I realized "Uh...my interests change at the drop of a hat...How's that going to look on a blog?"

It wasn't until an hour ago that I decided to finally take the plunge, even if it is just my toes for now. Besides, I made sure that my blog title explained what kind of shtuff to expect.

I'm a thirty*cough*six year old woman, married for the past 16 years to the love of my life, with three of the craziest, funniest, most lovable, and spoiled Cracker Cats (James Herriot reference here) you could ever meet. I'm a Professional Voice Over Actress,(Yes! That really is a career and I LOVE it) I dabble in Scrap booking/crafty shtuff, I love reading, movies, music, and TV, TV, TV, and did I mention TV? The Wonder Hubby and I are AVID travellers, foodies, wine-o's, photographers, video gamers, iPhone owners, and Home Theatre enthusiasts. I'm an orchid lovah, but can't grow them to save my, or more importantly, their life. I'll blog about that shtuff, for sure.

I also suffer from Complex Pain Disorder and resulting fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is actually a description of the type of pain, not an actual diagnosis.) I'm on meds for it, and am trying to get out from underneath very debilitating pain that has robbed me of a lot of my goals...no, wait...It's DELAYED the achievement of my goals. I'll blog about my progress on that, too.

I'll blog about our upcoming holiday in December. We're sailing on the Celebrity Infinity (in a SUITE!! omg, omg, omg!!!) from Ft. Lauderdale to Chile through the Panama Canal and then we're taking an extra 4 days to visit Machu Picchu!!!! I am SO blogging about that because it's fulfilling 3 dreams in one shot. Panama Canal, New Continent, and Machu freakin' Picchu.

I'm also spearheading an incredible celebration for the Wonder Hubby's and mine 20th wedding anniversary. 4 and a half years away, you say? Well, that's true, but planning it keeps me very focused on a task, which in turn helps me deal with my more pain filled days. Let me just say this, 15th century Scottish Castle just feet from the ocean, 30-50 of our nearest and dearest staying at said 15th century Scottish Castle for 4-5 days, Falconry, clay pigeon shooting, golfing, Archery, boating, fly fishing, incredibly meaningful ceremony honoring each other and those that helped make us who we are...I could go on, but, you guessed it, I'll save it for another blog or two, or 50.

Sometimes, I find odd things, hear funny shtuff, (BTW, "Shtuff" is a Mutts comic strip reference, my typing doesn't have a lithp) and will most definitely get a bee in my high strung, type A, gently sardonic *snort*, bonnet.

Eclectic Esoterica full of Sarcasm and Quirkiness...yep, that totally explains what's in my brain!